Why Your First Relationship After Divorce Will Probably Fail (And Why That's Perfect)
In our conversation with Yoki Brown, we chatted pretty intimately about what it’s like dating after divorce in your thirties. I feel like we really got into some real answers, without the fluff.
As for this let’s break down timelines, first relationships, and how to heal with some expert guidance (sources at the end). Stop guessing and start growing friend.
How long should you wait to date after divorce?
The real answer isn't about time - it's about whether you can handle rejection without falling apart. If someone not texting you back sends you into a spiral about your worth, you're not ready. If you're using dating apps to avoid sitting alone with your thoughts, you're not ready.
The question isn't "how long" - it's "are you dating to heal or to feel?"
How long does the first relationship after divorce usually last?
Buckle up for this one: research shows that 93% of people get into a new relationship after divorce, and on average, they lasted for 2 months. Two months.
Your first relationship after divorce is probably going to crash and burn. That's not pessimism - that's statistics. But here’s the plot twist, research has shown that’s a good thing. Studies found that people become more confident in the desirability and with faster rebounds, they were prone to greater psychological and relational health.
Most people use their first relationship to practice being human again. Don't expect it to be your forever person. Expect it to teach you what you need to learn - and know that the learning itself is healing you.
How does being divorced affect dating?
Being divorced changes everything about how you date, and pretending it doesn't is stupid.
You're not the same person who got married. You've got trust issues, financial baggage, and possibly kids. You're going to compare everyone to your ex - either putting them on a pedestal or immediately writing them off. You're going to have triggers you didn't know existed. Someone leaving dishes in the sink might send you into a panic because it reminds you of every fight you had in your marriage.
The people worth dating will understand this. The ones who don't aren't your people.
How long does it take to heal from a divorce?
Healing isn't linear and it's not something you complete and then move on from. You don't wake up one day and think "Great, I'm healed!" You wake up and realize you went a whole week without thinking about your ex. Then something triggers you and you're back to square one.
Some people heal in a year. Others take five. The timeline depends on how long you were married, how messy the divorce was, whether you have kids together, and how much work you're willing to do on yourself.
Stop asking "when will I be healed" and start asking "what do I need to heal today?"
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