Tracee Ellis Ross on Emma Grede's Podcast: The Self-Discovery Interview Living Rent-Free in Every Woman's Head
Tracee Ellis Ross broke down, in such a big sister way, how she built a life on her own terms. From launching from her ICON OF ALL ICON’s mother, Diana Ross’ perch to dating with intention to making space for hard feelings. This Emma Grede’s podcast on self-discovery and becoming the CEO of your own life has been living rent free in my head 3 months after it dropped. So let’s get it on your mind as well.
Diana Ross Taught Her Daughter to Build Power, Not Just Be a Pretty Face
Tracee Ellis Ross Commanding the Camera
Diana Ross wasn't just signing autographs—she was signing checks. And that's the difference. Tracee “I come from a world where I saw a woman who utilized glamour and her voice for agency that gave her a sense of power. That's what I equated beauty and fashion with. I saw a woman who was a business woman first and foremost, who was in charge of her careers, signed her own checks.”
Tracee’s mother showed her that you don't have to choose between being powerful and being present, between running your business and raising your babies. You can hold all of it if you're willing to hold yourself accountable too.
The Quote that stood out to me:
“So I saw the bigness of a life that you also had to hold yourself. So I remember people always say dream big, but what I learned in my childhood was dream big, but know that you’re the one that’s gonna be doing the work.”
Why Tracee's Still Single: Dating With Standards Isn't Settling
Let's be clear: Tracee is not "famously single" because something's wrong with her. She's single because she refuses to date someone just to have someone on her arm at events. And honestly? That's the energy we all need.
The world wants to make her singleness a problem, but she's flipped it into a question:
How am I choicefully living my life right now?
What that looks like in practice: After every date, she asks herself three questions:
Do I feel safe?
Do I feel seen?
Do I feel sexy?
If the answer is no, that tells you everything you need to know.
The Self-Work of Making Space for Your Worst Days
Here's what Tracee won't do: pretend she's fine when she's falling apart. She's had to be her funniest on her worst days, had to show up beautiful when she felt horrible.
But the key isn't pushing through “give it space, give it voice, let it be heard by somebody who can hold it with love and love you. And love you when you can't love yourself.”
Her Tips on How to Reframe Crappy Days:
"I put “May I” before stuff [declarations of intent] because may I instead of I am, feels like it honors where I am and invites me to where I want to go."
So instead of "I am strong," she says "May I lean into the part of me that is deeply grateful."
That language shift? It gives you permission to be human while still moving forward.
Journals through anxiety
writes down what she resents, what scares her, circles the deep wounds, then creates prayers that specifically address each one. "I take those words and I try and flip them. What is the opposite of that? What is the feeling that that is not giving me that I want?"
That's the work. Not ignoring your feelings, but building specific tools to hold them. Gems on Gems! Who gives it up like Tracee?
Theres more…
Building a Life That Actually Looks Like You
Tracee wishes she'd spent more time dreaming of her actual life. Not what society or IG says success looks like but what brings her joy. What makes her heart sing. What she gets lost doing.
Her assignment to us:
Get a journal. Ask yourself: What went well today? What didn't? What am I resentful about? What am I grateful for? She advises we do that for two weeks,
“Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. “then comb back through it with a pen and a highlighter, circle the things that resonate as the whoppers, not the surface stuff, but like the whoppers, and then take those and put those on another piece of paper. And be with those for a bit, and see if you can start asking yourself questions from there.
What is the feeling I want from my life? And what things in my life that already exist give me those feelings? And then is there a job I can build out of that?”
“Is there a life I can build out of that? Is there a company I can build out of that? What do I do better than anybody else?
What do I do that I get lost doing and can’t help but to just keep doing it? Like somebody has to stop me from doing it. And how do I build something from there?
Like, what are those things in your life that allow your heart to sing? And at the same time, give yourself room that you might need to try stuff and then go, that didn’t work, you know? And I think you really can do that at any age.””
Tracee's 52 and still learning herself and carving out time to vision and dream even when the world says she should have it all figured out by now. The goal isn't perfection, it’s specificity friend. Knowing yourself so well that you can build a life that actually matches who you are.
Ready for more real talk? Watch this Legally Uncensored episode with Valeka Jessica on divorce, choosing yourself, and why sometimes leaving is the most loving thing you can do.