The REAL Deal on Divorce: Your Ultimate FAQ for Taking the High Road
Why This Book Exists (And Why You Need to Read Every. Single. Page.)
Listen up, friends facing the tough transition of divorce: I wrote "It Doesn't Have to Be Ugly: Steps to an Amicable Divorce" as more than just a legal guide, it's a strategic playbook to transform a potentially destructive experience into an opportunity for growth and healing. I aimed at helping others win back their lives, not just "win" the divorce. Each chapter offers insights to save money, protect children's wellbeing, and ensure a successful future.
Whether you're contemplating, in the process of, or adjusting to post-divorce co-parenting, this book provides a roadmap to navigate the journey with dignity and intelligence, keeping your finances intact. Read it to thrive instead of merely survive your divorce.
Ready to take the high road? Let's dive into the questions everyone's asking but afraid to say out loud...
💰 Money & Financial Questions That Keep You Up at Night
Q: How much does divorce actually cost? (Because everyone's lying about this)
A: Listen, the range is WILD - anywhere from $2,000 to $200,000+ depending on how messy you want to get. If you and your soon-to-be-ex can act like grown-ups and agree on the big stuff, you're looking at the lower end. But if you want to go full reality TV drama? Your lawyer's kids are going to college on your dime. Pro tip: Cooperation = keeping your coins. Our guest and close friend of mine, Leena Hingnikar discuss the costs and what the things we wish you knew when selecting an attorney.
Q: Can I afford to get divorced? What if I'm financially dependent?
A: This fear is REAL and valid. But here's the truth - there are temporary support orders that kick in during the process (called pendente lite). The court uses computer programs like DissoMaster to calculate what you should get based on income, time with kids, and expenses. You won't be left high and dry, but you do need to get your financial ducks in a row ASAP.
👶 Kids & Custody: The Stuff That Really Matters
Q: Will my spouse try to take my kids away from me?
A: BREATHE. California courts (and most states) want kids to have "frequent and continuous contact with BOTH parents." Unless there's abuse, addiction, or serious safety issues, the court isn't trying to cut either parent out. Focus on what's best for your babies, not winning against your ex.
Q: How do I tell my kids about the divorce without traumatizing them?
A: You and your spouse tell them TOGETHER. Our guest Karen Molano, suggests to script it out beforehand. Keep it simple: "We've decided it's better for our family if we live in separate homes, but we both love you and will both take care of you." Answer their questions honestly but age-appropriately. And for the love of all that's holy, don't bash their other parent - kids need to love both of you.
Q: What's this joint custody vs. sole custody drama about?
A: There are two types: Legal custody (who makes decisions about school, doctors, etc.) and Physical custody (where kids actually live). Most of the time, you'll share legal custody. Physical custody can be joint (kids split time) or primary with one parent. Courts love detailed schedules that work for everyone, especially the kids.
📱 Modern Divorce: Digital Age Realities
Q: Can my social media posts be used against me in court?
A: ABSOLUTELY. That thirst trap Instagram post or that rant about your ex on Facebook? All fair game. Best practice: shut down social media during your divorce or post like your judge is following you (because they might be). Everything digital leaves a footprint.
Q: What about text messages and emails?
A: These are the new "lipstick on the collar." Your texts can and will be used as evidence. Write every message like it's going to be read in court, because it might be. And if you're having an affair via text... just don't.
🎯 Strategy & Moving Forward
Q: What's this "high road vs. low road" everyone talks about?
A: High road = acting with respect, using reason, going for win-win solutions. It saves money, time, and your sanity. Low road = revenge, mean-spirited fighting, trying to "win" at all costs. It's expensive, emotionally draining, and usually backfires. Choose wisely.
💪 Your Next Move: Stop Scrolling, Start Strategizing
Here's what you need to do RIGHT NOW: If you're contemplating divorce:
Stop googling "signs you should get divorced" at 2AM and schedule that marriage counseling session. Give your relationship every fighting chance before you lawyer up. But if counseling confirms what you already know? Get that consultation with a family law attorney who specializes in collaborative divorce.
If you're already in the process: Take this FAQ to your attorney and ask the hard questions about strategy, not just procedure. Your lawyer should be your strategic partner, not just your legal representative. If they're pushing you toward unnecessary battles, find someone who aligns with the high-road approach.
The bottom line: Divorce doesn't have to destroy your finances, traumatize your children, or turn you into someone you don't recognize.
Get the full playbook. Download "It Doesn't Have to Be Ugly: Steps to an Amicable Divorce" and arm yourself with everything you need to navigate this transition with dignity, intelligence, and your future intact.
Your future self will thank you for choosing strategy over drama.