Divorce like a Man: Stop Apologizing for Protecting Yourself
Men ask one question before making a decision: does this benefit me? They don't ask whether it looks generous or agonize of whether protecting their own interests makes them a bad person.
Unfortunately this is something that women often find themselves wondering out loud, in the group chat or in a therapists office. Hopefully there and not their divorce attorney’s office (hint hint)
Women will ask what their choice and often times the deeper reason being, their happiness, costs the marriage, the kids, the in-laws. Then sleep badly. And friend we can’t afford to be sleeping badly. Weight gain, heart disease, all the things.
Is It Selfish to Leave a Marriage That Makes You Unhappy?
At no point am I suggesting that you enter into a dissolution cavalierly or without thought. But know that staying isn't a neutral choice. It costs years, and those years are the part you can't get back, so waiting is a decision too.
So what am I suggesting? Be smart, strategic, practical. You over there worried about being fair and being kind and reasonable. Even when fairness has never been extended to you.
Meanwhile Selfishness has dividends, when you choose yourself consistently, you get options, leverage and more often than not peace. And remind me why this is a bad thing?
Being unbothered is not coldness. It's calculation.
Age teaches this eventually. Divorce teaches it faster, and charges more.
Learn it before the bill arrives.
Once the math says leave, the next question is how to say it. Tell, don't ask, keep it short, and use your therapist as a strategist before the conversation, not after it.
After you say it, you find out what's on the other side. Three women share the best lesson their divorce taught them, from refusing to shrink to refusing to care what people think. And if a quicker exit starts to look tempting, run the numbers first.
An annulment sounds cleaner than a divorce, but in California it can leave you with no spousal support and no right to divide property.