First Steps of Divorce Once You’ve Decided

Written By Kamico Brown

Marriage is emotional.
Divorce is financial.
And the people who don’t understand that pay the most.

If you’re still wondering if ‘they might change,' go back to therapy. Seriously. Close this tab and go. But... if you’ve realized the only thing changing is your bank account balance? Then it’s time to stop crying and start counting.

What’s the first move you should make in divorce?

It’s not filing. It’s not telling your spouse.

The first step is gaining financial control.

When you’ve decided to get a divorce, your first step is securing financial clarity and control: gather all documents, protect your access to money, understand your budget, and prepare for custody and housing decisions before you file anything.

Your Divorce Launch Checklist (Do This Before You File)



1. Gather and Get Access to Every Financial Document

  • Last 3 years of tax returns

  • Bank statements

  • Credit card statements

  • Mortgage documents

  • Property deeds

  • Retirement accounts (401k, IRA, pensions)

  • Insurance policies

  • Business ownership documents

  • Debts and liabilities

Make digital copies. Store them securely.

2. Pull Your Credit Report

Go to AnnualCreditReport.com and download your full report.

You need to know:

  • What’s in your name

  • What’s joint

  • What you may not even know exists

Surprises are expensive in divorce.


3. Open a Separate Bank Account

Open one in your name only. Do not drain joint accounts impulsively.
But create access to liquidity.

You need:

  • Emergency funds

  • Legal consultation funds

  • Living expense runway

Control reduces panic.

4. Secure Important & Sentimental Items

  • Passports.

  • Birth certificates.

  • Heirlooms.

  • Children’s medical records.

5. Document Communications

  • Save texts.

  • Save emails.

  • Screenshot financial conversations.

You’re not being dramatic. You’re building a clean record.

6. Know Your Monthly Number

What does it cost to be you?

  • Rent or mortgage

  • Utilities

  • Childcare

  • Food

  • Insurance

  • Debt payments

Divorce negotiations revolve around this number. If you don’t know it, you are negotiating blind.


7. Think About Custody — Practically, Not Emotionally

Ask yourself:

  • What schedule actually works for the children?

  • Who handles school mornings?

  • Who handles doctor visits?

Judges value stability, not speeches.


8. Decide Your Living Strategy

  • Are you moving out? Staying put?

  • Buying out the house? Selling and splitting proceeds?

Real estate decisions are financial leverage decisions. Make them consciously.

Why You Feel Stuck (And Why You’re Not)

You’re not stuck because you lack courage.You’re stuck because no one gave you a map.Once you gather documents, pull credit, secure money, and understand your expenses  the fog lifts.Information converts fear into strategy.

Now you’re off to find a lawyer, check out our prep guide on questions to ask yourself and your lawyer.  And watch our episode with Leena Hingnikar who goes into depth about what you need to know when you step into a family law (aka divorce) attorney’s office.

WHERE ARE YOU IN THE STEPS OF DIVORCE?

Know where you are, so that you can make the most of it, and know what comes next

What should you expect during the divorce process:

Divorce starts with filing a petition, then serving papers to your spouse. Next come temporary orders for immediate issues, followed by discovery  (where you exchange (the house)all all financial information including the debts and assets (the house) (hopefully)). Then you negotiate or mediate. Finally, you’ll either have a settlement agreement or go to trial.

Is Going to Trial For A Divorce A Bad Thing?

Not necessarily, but it takes longer and costs more. And a judge decides the matters you couldn’t settle FOR you. The upside? When your spouse won't negotiate in good faith or there's abuse involved, a judge brings objectivity and makes decisions based on legal standards, not emotions.

The decision to take your divorce to trial is deeply personal, so prep ahead mentally if you think it may go there, but ultimately should be made in consultation with your attorney.

If this conversation helped you see divorce differently, hopefully more clearly, Command D aka Bookmark this post. If this post wasn’t for you but someone you know, share it with them.

Start With One Episode Today. (We’ve Got 7 seasons to choose from)

If you’re ready to move forward but don’t know where to begin, listen to a few episodes of our divorce podcast this week.

They walk you through:

Don’t spiral in silence.
Get informed.
Then move with precision. The more you understand, the more peaceful this process becomes.

Kamico Brown
Next

The Custody Split: Legal vs. Physical Custody